l_ah_font_a (l_ah_font_a) wrote,

the time has finally come.

I'm back to the old journal again... i've been using my myspace as a journal, which really sucks... but whatever... I guess i'm just not into the livejournal drama with people posting anonymously and telling me what i should do with my life.

on to happier things.

Last night was amazing, Jerilee, Jessica and i went to the Orpheum. Upon arriving, Jessica and I realized that we forgot our IDs... Jerilee was Throughly annoyed, as i was annoyed with myself, but my liscense broke into three pieces recently and i havent bothered to carry it with me much. The other Jessica was already there... and i used her ID, and Jess used Becca's ID... so it all worked out just fine. We danced all night... and we took a midnight train going anywhere. Fun times. Enjoyed the chance to speak to some people that i had not seen in a long time. It's so crazy how everyone is intermingled with everyone else, everyone knows everyone in some strange way.

Alex danced, yay... he never dances, but he should because he has a fine booty.

honestly, i'm still getting over chris... i'm not understanding why he stopped speaking to me, and why we can't be friends... i remember a while ago i told him that i was afraid that we would end up hating each other... like a majority of couples do... and he promised that would never happen. But it did. It's all so deteriorating to me... in so many ways.. socially.. personally... I want to let it go so badly... but I guess all i can do is try to forget about all of the amazing things that happened, and all of the wonderfully romantic things he did for me... and the days i would bring him lunch... the nights we'd fall asleep in each others arms... the mornings we'd wake up next to each other... forget about tarpon springs... forget about macaroni and cheese and overcooked shrimp (even though that was the cutest thing anyone has ever done for me)... and so many other things that i just need let go. I need to not fall inlove so quickly... even though i dont think it's possible after him, so i dont really need to worry about that. I cannot find myself attracted to anyone... i need to give it time. He's already moved on. It just sucks that he's the one that changed, for the worst, and stopped speaking to me... and did a complete 180, and became a big meanie... yet he has someone already... and i know that makes it alot easier for him to forget me. I didn't buy it when he told me that he couldn't be in a relationship with anyone... i guess i'm just sick because i really want him to be happy... and i hope she is making him happy so that he doesnt do so many drugs... and I hope that he doesn't get annoyed with her the way that he got annoyed with me... i hope that she gives him something to look forward to and a reason to stop wasting his many many talents. He is so smart, and so amazing, and is so aware of life, and human nature... when wants to be... when he has something to keep him happy... and i'm sorry that that person couldn't be me.

I think there is a reason for all of it... i think that I will find happiness someday, and that it just couldn't be with him... but i needed him to help me go on that path anyway. Someone is waiting for me... and neither of us know it yet... but if not, then i thank everything for my knowledge of happiness within solitude. Being alone sucks, but it has its perks. Being with someone is just more exciting, thats all really.
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