l_ah_font_a (l_ah_font_a) wrote,
l_ah_font_a
l_ah_font_a

Let this be lasting.

Wow.
Once again, reading things i've written in the past has made me a little more aware of life in general. I came on here to brag really about the most amazing guy ever. It's still so new, and reading the entry from when I first started dating Eli reminded me that things don't last forever. But I think this time it's really going to prove well for the both of us (me and the new love interest). Everytime I have a little break through i like to write it out. Although things were so fun and so exciting when I first got together with Eli... it didn't last. It was fun, and that was it... but then it stopped being fun... everything became a question of fairness. When I objected to things that seemed selfish on his part... he just made me feel guilty about feeling under-appreciated... and he was REALLY good at it. When I finally pulled my head out of his ass I started to realise that there are certain things that I do and don't deserve. I definitely don't deserve to be treated like my opinion isn't important, and I certainly deserve to be showed that I am important... fuck em ... really... i'm so done with him. Shame on you, guys, if you aren't really emotionally attached to your girlfriend and your just keeping her around to get laid... fucking shame on you. Unfortunately, I was too blind to see that I was just merely the object to satisfy his carnal desires... I hope one day he can really care about someone for all the reasons that make them great - or make just someone who only cares about fucking and getting fucked up like he does. Guys just don't grow up as fast as girls... I guess it takes a long time (though sometimes it never happens) for them to realize selfishness has no place in a relationship. It was a hard realization for me when I knew he'd never change.


When I think about the circumstances... I just can't help but feel really and trully lucky. How is it that I almost denied my feelings for the guy that is practically made for me? If you would have asked me a month ago if I believed in love at first sight, I would have said no way... a relationship is about building trust and working to make each other better. I gave up on trust... and my relationship with Eli just was... and nothing more... it just existed. It was mudane... it was sooo empty. I lost faith in the idea of the monogonous relationship. I thought that I would never find someone that trully mattered... everyone I met was the same. Not much separated anyone above the crowd. It's just so interesting and amazing that our lives have connected in the way that they have... it's so strange to think that all along he's been living in my friend's house... all along he's been so close but so far... yet he came to me at the most perfect time. I had to get through all the shit and shitty people to really appreciate him. I'm really reluctant to says it's destiny or whatever, because I don't know exactly how I feel about fate. I just think that in some round-about way our paths were meant to cross. He even lives in the same city! I was determined that I wasn't finding the right person because I wasn't looking in the right place... and that maybe perhaps by some shred of hope I was destined to encounter someone on my travels. Maybe he lived in a different country, or maybe in alaska, who knew? Nope, he's right here... he's right in front of me.... we both deserve each other so much... he's been shit on alot, if not more than I have. I'm really afraid to question it because that might get me into trouble... life would really suck if he were taken away from me... and after having THE BEST I would never want anything less than that... it would be really difficult for someone to live up to that. I trust him to be that person who makes me better. I appreciate how great he is... and the fact that he doesn't hold back... he cares with everything he has... and I know i'm getting ahead of myself because it's so soon... but when you know, you know.... you know? haha. I already can't imagine myself with anyone else... I've never met anyone better suited for me. I'm SO HAPPY! I could scream!
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